How are your relationships with those you interact with?
Do you feel connected, in sync or frustrated and frazzled?
Relationships take time to grow and develop and they can either blossom or fizzle. When a relationship fizzles it can be for many reasons and the failure of a relationship is often the source of great pain to those involved. Most have to work on relationships and master the skills necessary for them to bloom and grow.
Here are 3 common mistakes to avoid that can damage any relationships…
People have the tendency to make assumptions about everything and everyone. When assumptions are made you believe them don’t you? How do you know they are true? People make assumptions about what others are thinking and doing and you really have no clue unless you are a mind reader. Usually, assumptions are made when you don’t understand something. In order to determine what is really going on ask questions to clarify to find answers.
Mistake #2 Take Things Personally
Many times people take things personally when things are said or actions are made. People don’t do things because of you; they do it because of themselves and what is going on with them. People have their own feelings, beliefs, and opinions and respond based on those. When you take things personally you become defensive and react. Realize who you are and recognize that if you trust who you are and avoid taking things personally you come from a place of confidence versus weakness. I heard a great line once “What other people think of you is none of your business.”
Mistake #3 “The Blame Game”
In relationships, people seem to point the finger when things go wrong. Most people find it easy to see the faults in others versus themselves. Everyone has flaws and can become defensive if mistakes are made or situations go wrong. When you blame another person you avoid taking responsibility and give away your power. You can’t control others but you can change your role in a situation. Recognize your limitations and own your part in the process and the outcome.
All 3 of these mistakes tied together can create a very unhappy relationship. When you make assumptions, take things personally or blame others it puts you in a place of discomfort, which can lead to anger, sadness, and tension. Transforming your relationships to one of fulfillment takes action, responsibility, and commitment.
If you find you are doing any of the above I ask you to follow these 3 steps:
- Stop when you hear yourself making assumptions, taking things personally or blaming others. Sometimes you just need to stop and take a timeout. Maybe you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself some key questions to clarify. Some examples are “How do I know this to be true?”, “Why is this bothering me?” or “How can I resolve this situation?”.
- Look and shift your focus inwards. Learn about yourself to uncover answers to resolve how you are feeling or acting. Find understanding and come from a place of wisdom and compassion.
- Listen to your thoughts and the words being said. Learn to reflect, observe your behaviour, reflect and think before you respond or react.
Once you start to see patterns in yourself, you can challenge yourself to act in ways of respect. If repair is needed as mistakes have been made then work on that. Apologies are sometimes necessary so speak your peace. When you stop placing blame and shift your awareness inwards you act from a place of knowledge and power. You can start to stop destructive behaviors and build stronger relationships.
If you are finding that relationships are challenging or frustrating at this time in your life with work or personally and you want some help then take advantage of my offer and sign up for my complimentary: “Breakthrough Boundaries and Boost Your Relationships Session” here. (I’m offering this to the first 10 people who register.)